'Am I Sexually Normal?'

Who hasn't compared her sex life with a friend's and wondered, "Why don't I have sex three times a day? Or five orgasms in one night? Is there something wrong with me or my partner? Am I sexually normal?"

Even though I am a physician, I learned more about sexuality from friends, partners and women's magazines than I did from medical school. The problem with these familiar sources of sexual education is that comparisons can sometimes lead to feelings of inadequacy, even if you are otherwise satisfied with your sex life. You start to wonder if you are normal, and what it means to be normal sexually.

The Elusive Definition of "Normal"
Why is it difficult to define normal sexuality? First of all, it is not as simple as checking a vital sign or lab test. While you can break down the female sexual experience into parts — desire, arousal, vaginal lubrication and orgasm — the problem is that you also need the right mental framework to make these parts work and to feel good about the experience. As many sex experts will tell you, your mind is your largest and most important sexual organ. Your mental state not only affects the physical function of your sexuality, but also interprets whether that experience is a satisfying or unsatisfying one.
Second, defining normal is difficult when there is a wide range of sexual experiences that satisfy different people. Intensity of sex drive or libido can be different for different people but nonetheless be "normal," or even change over time in one person. Some women have few or no orgasms, or no orgasms during vaginal penetration, yet are just as satisfied as women who have multiple orgasms. So the best response to the question "Am I normal sexually?" is often: "Well, do you feel you are normal sexually?"